


Crawling Like the Sea Over Sand

by gunslingaaahhh



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-11
Updated: 2011-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:57:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunslingaaahhh/pseuds/gunslingaaahhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story has been eating at my brain all week, so I finally just sat down and wrote it. I'm not gonna lie, this is probably the saddest fic I have ever written, and I cried a little while I was writing it, if that tells you anything. Hopefully now that it's out I can get back to the prompts. A huge thanks to <span class="ljuser ljuser-name_finduilas_clln"><a href="http://finduilas-clln.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://finduilas-clln.livejournal.com/"><b>finduilas_clln</b></a></span> for the beta!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Crawling Like the Sea Over Sand

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been eating at my brain all week, so I finally just sat down and wrote it. I'm not gonna lie, this is probably the saddest fic I have ever written, and I cried a little while I was writing it, if that tells you anything. Hopefully now that it's out I can get back to the prompts. A huge thanks to [](http://finduilas-clln.livejournal.com/profile)[**finduilas_clln**](http://finduilas-clln.livejournal.com/) for the beta!

_”Are you out of your fucking mind? Go, Steven!”_

 _“I'm not gonna leave you to do this by yourself; I'm a stronger swimmer than you--”_

 _“You need to hoist those people onto the boat, ok, let me go down and get the last one before they drown, or so help me!”_

 _Steve looks on helplessly as Danny dives back down, blonde hair bright in the dark water. Spitting water out even as it continues to slosh into his mouth, Steve makes his way quickly back to the boat, pushing where Chin is pulling from the deck._

 _A clock is ticking in Steve's mind, counting the seconds; he can hold his breath for an absurd amount of time, Danny can't. Danny isn't a trained Navy SEAL, why the fuck isn't Steve down there?_

 _On cue, the last victim of the plane crash surfaces, gasping and choking. Steve easily swims over, helping to support her weight. He can't help the stone of panic settling into his stomach when he sees that Danny is not with her._

 _“Where's Danny?” he shouts, the wind whipping and forcing spray into his eyes._

 _“S-stuck,” the woman gasps, eyes red and sore from the salt. “He got stuck.”_

 _Steve doesn't think, just shoves the woman towards one of the other rescuers before inhaling deeply and diving down. Some of the plane's emergency lights are still on, he can see them in the gloom of the dark water. He can also feel rather than see the fact that the plane is sinking, the suction pulling water past him._

 _He manages to get inside and find the air pocket quickly, taking measured breaths so as not to waste it._

 _“Danny! Where are you, we need to get out of here!” he calls, his voice oddly muffled in the water-filled cabin. There isn't any response, and Steve fights hard to keep his growing panic at bay. He's about to call out again when he hears a faint cough. Whipping around, he searches the small space until he finds Danny, caught in the emergency door on the other side. Steve has no idea how he got stuck in there, only that he is and that is a very large problem, one that won't be easily solved without oxygen tanks and tools._

 _“What're you doing, you animal? This thing is about to sink!” Danny coughs, voice water-logged and Steve can see that the other man has inhaled and swallowed too much of it already._

 _“I'm saving your ass, what does it look like?” Steve replies, trying to keep his tone light even as he assesses the damage. Danny's caught half-way; the suction of the sinking plane combined with the slippery carpeting... the lack of air coming in or out, and Danny's exhausted limbs... Steve feels himself getting angry. It should've been him._

 _“Don't be fucking stupid,” Danny spits, leveling his eyes with Steve's. “I'm stuck like a pig, here, and you know it. Yeah yeah, I don't have your training, but I wasn't gonna let that lady die down here. I'm not gonna let the same thing happen to you, either.”_

 _“What the fuck are you even talking about,” Steve mutters, trying to ignore the groaning of the plane and the water swirling in, quickly diminishing the air pocket. One of Danny's hands comes up to grip Steve's wrist, stilling him._

 _“I'm talking about the fact that your only option of survival is flapping your fins, super SEAL. This is only going to happen a few ways; one is we run out of air and we both suffocate, another is that we both drown, a third is that even if you do somehow get me unstuck, we still both drown because there isn't enough air.”_

 _Steve opens his mouth to argue but is cut off by a steely look._

 _“Babe, I inhaled water, my body is tired, and I cannot hold my breath long enough to get to the surface, even if you could unstick me from where I'm stuck. This was a stupid move, I am well aware, but you need to understand that both of us do not need to die down here.”_

 _Something hot and wet is on Steve's face, but he can't be bothered to care. “Think about what you're saying, what am I supposed to tell Rachel, huh? What am I supposed to tell Grace?”_

 _Danny smiles sadly at the sound of his daughter's name. “That Danno loves them. Always.”_

 _Something like a sob barks out of Steve's chest and everything comes back to him in brutal clarity. Danny is right; there is no way to do this without at least one of them ending up dead, and since Danny is probably the stopper keeping the air pocket in..._

 _“Go, Steve. Go and please, please be there for Grace and show her all of the things I won't be able to now, ok? Do that for me, promise you will,” Danny says, wheezing a little and weeping. Something is flickering in Danny's eyes, something very close to panic, and Steve knows that Danny is very close to losing it. The fact that he's managed to hold it together at all is a miracle._

 _Trembling something fierce, Steve nods and yells “I promise!” before kissing Danny on the forehead and taking a deep breath. He inhales so deeply his lungs ache, and then that's it, he's exiting the plane and kicking towards shore, trying to keep out of the plane's suction as it goes down._

 _He hears a groaning as the plane finally fills with water and sinks, the lights going out. Something in his heart breaks and he tries not to think about the imagined screaming as he watches it go._

~*~

Steve has woken up screaming for the better part of six weeks, and he's sick to death of it. He has the same dream every night, knowing it's a dream and knowing it isn't the way it happened, but having it nonetheless.

His subconscious mind has always been rife with guilt, and this is no different. In his dreams, he makes the conscious decision to leave Danny, even as the other man struggles and screams and begs Steve to save him, please save him. At the end, Steve can always hear him through the water, shouting “you killed me, you son of a bitch, you killed me.”

He knows that isn't true, he _knows_ Danny told him to go and leave him there. It doesn't matter, he still wakes up screaming and he probably always would.

It should have been him.

~*~

The look on Chin's face when he'd surfaced alone had been almost unbearable. He'd known, the other man had known and he hadn't been able to keep the anguish from showing. Kono had been much the same, sinking to her knees with a keening wail right there on the dock, knowing as soon as she saw them all. She'd been in radio contact with Chin, had been watching through binoculars, but it didn't matter. It didn't hit home until the boat with the rescued passengers was pulled up to the dock and Chin and Steve were standing there with their terrible faces.

They weren't allowed to grieve right away, having to wrap up the case and deal with a load of bureaucratic bullshit first. Denning wasn't a complete asshole, though, he saw how much they were hurting. He had people come in and dredge for the plane, so they'd have something to bury, and Steve thought he'd scream.

Someone had had to tell Rachel, of course, and while Steve knew it should've been him, he couldn't make himself do it. Kono and Lori went instead, and Chin accompanied Steve to the ME's office. It wasn't necessarily to have Max do anything, but when he'd heard, he'd insisted with grim-faced determination. “He was my friend too,” he'd told his superior, “and I'm going to give him the respect he deserves.”

At first Steve had been shocked the plane could even be brought back up, and was more shocked that Danny was with it. He hadn't wanted to see him, initially, he knew what drowned people who'd spent a long time in the water looked like. Max had assured them that Danny managed to avoid that, looking more serene than anything.

So they'd gone, to pick up Danny's things and let Max know about the funeral arrangements. Chin, Lori, and Kono had taken care of calling Danny's family back in Jersey. He'd felt bad about that, but whenever he'd tried to pick up the phone, his tongue had seemed to big for his mouth. Chin had more or less taken over as 'boss,' because Steve could do little more than sit in his office and stare into nothing. He wasn't supposed to be there, but he hated being at home; everywhere he went now, there were ghosts.

Danny's parents wanted him to be buried in the family plot, and what was more, they wanted the team to be there for the service. Rachel had been firm in that as well when she spoke to Steve over the phone, insisting there was nowhere else he should be, either of them.

Standing just outside the doors, Steve could see a shock of blonde through the small window at the top of the door. Max caught his eye and hurried over, coming to stand in front of Steve and Chin. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he wrapped one of Steve's hands in both his own and squeezed. He offered a quick nod to Chin, turning to leave with a “I'll give you some privacy.”

Unable to move, Steve just stared through that small window, not even blinking until Chin caught his elbow and guided him inside.

It was like going in slow motion, walking over to the table where Danny lay. Steve stopped, locking his knees and going no further. Chin continued on, coming to stand beside Danny, a hand dropping to his shoulder. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, lips moving in a silent prayer before he quickly bent and kissed Danny on the forehead.

“Take your time, boss, I'll wait outside,” Chin said, voice a little rough. He left Steve then, standing alone in the room with Danny and Danny's... not-ness. He waited until the swinging doors came to rest before stepping closer, taking small, tentative steps.

Danny did not look like a drowning victim; no, he looked like someone who had passed quietly in their sleep, and Steve offered silent thanks to Max and whoever else. Danny's skin was pale, but he wasn't bluish at all; he just looked like he was sleeping. Steve felt slightly comforted by that.

“I--” he began, before cutting himself off. What did he say? It had only been a week or so, but it felt like forever, words and words and words hanging between them, words and feelings. “I'm sorry, Danno,” he tried again, hating how brittle he sounded, how made of glass. Like if he spoke the wrong words he'd shatter.

Outside the room, Chin was watching him, arms wrapped around himself. He almost didn't hear when Lori and Kono walked up; he grabbed both their arms to still them when Kono tried to push through.

“What gives,” she growled, and Chin didn't even blink at the snap in her tone. She'd loved Danny too, after all.

“He needs a minute,” Chin said quietly. “Island time,” he added a moment later, when Lori went to say something. They stood shoulder-to-shoulder, watching as Steve began to gently stroke Danny's hair. Something clenched painfully in Chin's chest, and he forcefully turned the three of them so their backs were do the small windows. Lori again opened her mouth, but she was quickly cut off.

“It isn't any of our business,” he said harshly, feeling a little bad at the hurt on Lori's face. “This isn't something we need to see,” he offered, more gently this time. “This is for them.”

Kono offered her agreement by way of sniffling, and the three of them kept their backs resolutely to the doors.

Steve had pulled up a stool by this point, and was sitting and weeping, gently stroking Danny's hair back. Something huge and dark and billowing was building up in his chest, he could feel it. It wanted to consume him, make him explode. He fought to keep it in, vision blurring with tears as he choked back his cries. He knew at some point he'd have to leave, so Max could finish everything up and Danny could be prepared for going home; that thought twisted something painful in Steve, and he hunched over, tucking his face against Danny's neck.

“I'm not gonna leave you, partner,” he whispered, voice thick with tears. “Not until you're ready.” This he repeated, in some form, like a mantra. His voice grew increasingly unsteady and garbled until all their was was blubbering. He didn't care; he was not leaving Danny alone until he was ready, and that was final.

Max was standing with Chin, Lori, and Kono on the other side of the doors, glasses in one hand as he dabbed his eyes with a tissue. They couldn't hear what Steve had said, but they could hear him crying and that was enough. Kono and Lori had tissues of their own, and Chin had an arm wrapped around both of their shoulders.

“Detective Kelly,” Max started, his own voice rough, “there are still things to be done. I hate to rush him, but... I fear no time will ever be a good time.”

Nodding and steeling his spine, Chin made his way back into the room, doing his best not to break down at the sight of Steve. He approached quietly, making sure he was in Steve's line of sight, placing a hand gently on his shoulder.

“Steve... it's time. Max still has a few things to do, and Lori and Kono would like to say goodbye as well... c'mon, brah,” Chin said, voice pitched low and soothing. Steve didn't even acknowledge him, just continued to stroke Danny's hair and weep against his shoulder.

“I can't, he isn't ready yet,” he whimpered, rolling his eyes toward Chin. “I can't leave until he's ready. I can't leave him alone.”

“He won't be alone, Max will be here, he'll make sure Danny is ready.” The other man had absolutely no idea what Steve was talking about, but tried his best anyway. “C'mon, we'll give the girls their chance and then we'll all go together, ok?”

Steve pouted harder, if that were even possible, and fresh tears began rolling down his cheeks. “But I _can't_ ,” he whined, sitting up now and looking at Chin with beseeching eyes. “You don't understand--”

“I do, brah, I do,” Chin offered with a sad smile, his own vision blurring slightly. “And I think he does, too.”

Snuffling, Steve stood, legs shaky beneath him. Before moving to leave, though, he bent at the waist and pressed his forehead to Danny's, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He pressed a kiss to Danny's forehead, nose, and lips in quick succession, not caring that Chin and his team and God could see him. It didn't matter anymore. He stood, casting great, dark eyes on Chin, who gently lead him out. As they passed through the doors, Kono and Lori went by them, holding hands.

Chin kept an arm securely around Steve's back, holding him in place as they waited. It wasn't long, both women appeared and flanked them, and they all walked out into the sunlight together.

~*~

The four of them fly in for Danny's funeral. Margret Williams demands that they stand with her and Danny's father, Harold, and all of the Williams' clan. Steve would be touched by this, could he feel anything. Instead, he stares hollowly across the top of the dark oak casket, covered with flowers, at the faces of the department Danny had served with. Harold's station house buddies are there, and everyone else Danny ever knew.

Rachel, Stan, and Grace are there, Grace gripping her mother's and grandmother's hands in her own. Steve can hardly look at her, knows Danny made him promise to look after her, and cannot bring himself to speak to her. She could tear him down with a look, and he doesn't think he'd survive it.

The service is beautiful, Chin says a few words on the team's behalf, and they lay a few remaining flowers on the casket. Steve is sitting and watching them lower the casket, so worried because _Danny wasn't ready_ and now he was going to be alone in the dark. The 'thunk' of earth hitting wood startles him, and when he realizes what that sound means he descends into tears. Kono is by his side in an instant, dabbing at him with tissues and telling him it's ok, Danny was in heaven, don't cry.

It doesn't help. It doesn't help until Grace magically appears right in front of him, large doe eyes bright with unshed tears.

“Uncle Steve?” she asks, tilting her head to one side. “Do you--”

She's cut off, Steve blurting “they're throwing dirt on my Danno!” before he realizes what he's saying. He blushes beneath his tears; Danny was never 'his,' what the fuck is the matter with him. Grace takes that in stride, pulling herself into Steve's lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“It's ok, he wasn't ever scared of the dark,” she murmurs against his cheek, her own tears mixing with his.

“But the dirt,” Steve whimpers quietly, squeezing the little girl tightly to his chest. “He shouldn't have all that dirt on him.”

“It isn't on him,” Grace tells him, leaning back. “Daddy is in heaven now, that's just a box. It's ok to put dirt on the box because Daddy isn't really in there, is he, Uncle Steve?”

Bottom lip trembling, Steve shakes his head 'no.' “He isn't in there, he's in heaven,” Steve repeats, holding Grace tightly as she begins to cry, even as she's removing herself from his arms and running to her mother.

Steve drifts into a fog as his team collects him and brings him back to the Williams' residence; Margret insisted they all stay there and she didn't want to hear another word of it.

~*~

The entire team was put into grief counseling, Steve's sessions happening twice a week for everyone else's once. His therapist, a lovely older woman who'd asked him to call her Helen, had insisted. He hadn't like it, but he'd agreed.

Steve was the only one not allowed to return to work.

“Are you kidding me?! Helen said I was doing better!” he'd shouted in the middle of the bull-pen. The others had winced at his tone.

“Denning doesn't think you're ready, and the reports he's been receiving from the therapist support that,” Lori calmly supplied. “Your mental and emotional state is compromised, and you know better than anyone how that can effect your performance in the field.”

Rather than argue with that, Steve had stormed out. He'd driven himself home and gone straight to the water, diving in with all his clothes on. He didn't swim for long, though, unable to deal with the feeling of the water because it made him think of Danny. He dragged himself from the surf and stripped as he went, leaving his soggy clothes on the sand as he trudged into the house.

~*~

Six weeks, and he was now on desk duty. The Navy would be sending someone to give him an assessment of their own, but by HPD and Denning's standards, he was fit to at least do paperwork.

How generous of them.

Steve was in bed, laying on his side, facing away from his bedroom door. He'd decided that sleeping was out of the question, so he just stared at the wall instead, watching the shadows play until the sun came up.

He could hear the little voice in his head – the one that sounded like Danny – chastising him for not sleeping, for thinking that would make it better.

“Yeah yeah, I know,” he mumbled. He'd developed a habit of talking to himself, too.

“If you know, why do you keep doing it?” said a voice from behind him. Funny, it sounded a lot like Danny.

“Because if I don't sleep, I won't dream,” Steve replied before freezing. His blood ran cold; that voice wasn't inside his head, it was _inside his room_ , and it sounded a hell of a lot like Danny. Uneasy, Steve slowly rolled over, eyes narrows to slits in the darkness. If someone was fucking with him, he'd kill them, put them _down_.

He deserved a lot of things, but not that.

What he expected to see when he rolled over, he couldn't say. It certainly wasn't what looked like Danny, dressed in a blue polo and khaki dress pants, hair swept back but fluffy, like the wind hadn't been kind to him.

“What sorts of dreams are you having, that you don't want to sleep?” the Danny-image asked, hands on hips.

“... Danno?” Steve breathed, slowly sitting up and moving so that he was facing Danny fully.

“Yeah, who _else_ would it be?” the Danny-image asked impatiently. “Steve, we need to talk--”

He didn't wait to see what else there was; Steve stumbled off the bed, arms wide, face crumpling. His Danny, his beloved Danno was _here_ , he wasn't dead or in heaven or under dirt in a box somewhere, he was _here_.

“Are you listening to me-- Steve, wait, babe, don't do that! Seriously don't--” Danny started, eyes widening as he put his hands up in a gesture for Steve to stop. Steve didn't listen just reached out at the same moment he fell to his knees, eyes closing as he threw his arms around... nothing.

He blinked his eyes open, confused, twisting around to see Danny standing behind him, a sad look on his face. “I warned you, didn't I warn you? I did, I told you not to do that.”

Staring, Steve turned until he was kneeling facing Danny. So he _was_ asleep then, his subconscious mind managing to have come up with new and different ways to torment him.

“You aren't dreaming, babe,” Danny said softly, sitting on the edge of Steve's bed. “Not this time.”

Unable to even fathom, Steve focused on what he understood: Danny was here, in his bedroom, talking to him. He was here, but Steve couldn't touch him, and that seemed like the greater cruelty.

Danny watched him, his own resolve crumpling. “Oh no, Steve, don't, ok? Oh babe, please,” he said, his own voice catching as he watched Steve sink into sobs, almost blubbering himself. “Please don't cry, I'm sorry, I knew I should have waited until a better time, it's just that—I asked you to look in on Grace, I asked you to do _one thing_ , and you haven't yet. You need to do it, Steve, you have to.”

Steve watched him come to sit opposite, wishing fiercely that he could reach out and _touch_ him.

“Are you--” he hiccupped – “gonna h-h-haunt me until I do?” Steve asked, eyes wide.

“Haunt you, what? No, I'm not gonna _haunt_ you! It's just one thing, ok, just one thing and it's easy.”

“I haven't because I'm afraid,” Steve blurted, knuckling the last of his tears – for now – out of his eyes.

“Afraid?”

“Afraid she'll hate me.”

“She doesn't hate you, babe. She includes you in her prayers every night.”

“How do you know that?”

Danny heaved a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “I visit her, when she's sleeping. Well, I see her say her prayers and stay out of sight until she's sleeping.”

“Would she be able to see you if she was awake?” Steve asked, morbidly fascinated now.

“Uh... I guess? Kids are better about that than adults... you're sensitive like that, which is why you can see me.”

“But why not let her see you when she's awake?”

Danny didn't respond right away, his jaw working as he thought of how to answer. Steve saw something incredibly sad in the other man's face, watched as Danny got up and began to pace.

“I don't want her to be scared of me! She attended my funeral, Steve, she watched me go in the ground. I don't know how she'd react if she saw me just standing in her bedroom all of a sudden...” he trailed off, voice cracking. “I don't want her to be afraid of her Danno.”

“She'd never be afraid of you.”

“I've never been dead before.”

The words cut Steve like a knife, and Danny realizes a half-second later what he's said, kneeling in front of Steve and trying to be soothing even though he can't touch. Steve pulls it together, snuffling into his shirt-sleeve.

“So you want me to go and be... what?”

“I want you to go and show her all of the things that I'd have shown her,” Danny tells him earnestly. “Show her the beauty of this island, of it's people. Take her to things, teach her things. I know she's got Stan, but Stan didn't... he doesn't...”

“He didn't know you,” Steve finishes for him, quietly. “You want her to have those things with someone who knew you.”

“Yes,” Danny replies, deflating slightly. “I only asked you to do one thing, Steve, that's all.”

“I'll... I'll do it, but... Danno, where have you been all this time?” Steve has to ask, eyes willing with tears again. “I miss you.”

Danny's own eyes well up, and he quickly knuckles the tears away. “Time is funny now... I'm always with Grace, even though I _know_ I'm not, because it isn't always night. It just... there never seems to be a break, I'm just always with her. Of course, right now I'm with you...” Danny pauses, frowning with confusion for a moment. “And even though I'll be with Grace after, there's a third place I am, but I don't know anything about it. I spose it's better that way.”

They regard each other for a moment, quiet in the hushed darkness of the house.

“Will you come back and visit me too?” Steve asks, voice soft. He doesn't dare to hope.

“I'll try; I miss you too, babe. I miss all of you, and I saw your goodbye, in Max's office.”

“You did?”

Danny nods, a small smile playing on his lips. “Yeah... it's weird, it's like I can feel Grace, and I can feel you too. I could feel how sad you were and suddenly I was there, watching.”

“I didn't want to leave you alone, you weren't ready,” Steve frowns.

“You're right, I wasn't, but Max made sure to take care of me until I was,” Danny says gently reaching out and then remembering that he was nothing more than a man-shaped fog.

A fog that was quickly growing more transparent. “God damnit!” Danny cursed, standing and looking down at himself. “I hate when this happens. Steve, I have to go.”

Steve was on his feet in an instant, agony ripping through his body. “No! Danno please, don't go yet, I don't want you to leave me.”

Fading quickly, Danny gave Steve a sad look. “I don't want to, I'm sorry—go to Grace tomorrow! Go to her Steve.”

He faded until it was just his eyes in the darkness, then nothing. Steve blinked at the darkness, waiting for his eyes to adjust, to tell him Danny was still there, but the other man never reappeared.

Drooping, Steve tucked himself back into bed, positive he wouldn't sleep now.

As it was, he dropped off almost instantly.

~*~

Danny's words rang through his head as soon as he woke up, and so Steve decided that he would, in fact, go visit Grace. He hopped through the shower, recognizing that he looked like shit and _had_ looked like shit for the better part of two months.

Standing in front of the sink and brushing his teeth, he went to wipe the fog from the mirror when he noticed the words. Slowly drawing the toothbrush from his lips, he stared, reading the hand-written message over and over.

 _Steven! Go to Grace! You'll feel better, I promise! And remember: Danno loves you._

It was undoubtedly Danny's scrawl – only he ever used that many exclamation points – and rather than make Steve feel sad, he smiled. He'd never doubted that Danny had cared about him, so that was reassuring... that and the fact that he wasn't a looney-tune who'd imagined a midnight conversation with his dead partner. Grinning, he whispered “love you too, Danno,” and wiped down the mirror.

He tidied the house, eating breakfast and calling Rachel. He was still nervous about seeing Grace; she'd been out of her element at the funeral, and he hadn't seen her since. Who knew how she'd feel when she saw him.

“Commander McGarrett!” Rachel said by way of greeting, picking up after one ring. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I, uh, well... I need to make good on a promise. I made a promise to Danny when—I was sposed to keep an eye on Grace all this time and I haven't been, not like he asked me to.”

“Ah, I see. I have a thought: join me for a late lunch this afternoon, and you can be here at the house when Grace gets in from school. There are some things I'd like to talk to you about myself, and I'd prefer she not be present.”

“Oh,” Steve paused, frowning.

“You aren't in trouble, don't worry. Just some things of Daniel's we need to discuss.”

Sighing with relief, they set a time for Steve to come over before ending the call. He hoped by that point he'd be feeling more confident.

When he arrived, Rachel had prepared sandwiches and tea, the both of sitting in the kitchen at the island. Steve nibbled his sandwich, slightly uncomfortable. Rachel regarded him over the rim of her cup, watching before clearing her throat.

“I'll get to the point, Commander, no need for you to squirm. Daniel updated his... last wishes... of sorts when he joined us out here, and then again after he joined your task force. It might seem morbid, but in fact was a very Danny-like thing to do. At any rate, the most current document requested that I allow you and the rest of your team to be involved in Grace's life. At first I was unsure, because I didn't know any of you, but now... now I see that you are all truly a family. You are a family and I'd never deny Grace that. So, I have you here now to discuss visitation.”

Steve choked on his tea, spluttering as he tried to wipe himself off. “Visitation?”

Rachel smiled. “Yes. I was thinking perhaps every other weekend? Or maybe even every weekend, it would depend on your schedule, of course. I know Daniel often took Grace to your home to spend the night, and I know she'd love to still have that. It doesn't need to be anything formal or documented; Stanley and I have already discussed it and agreed that there really is no safer person for her to be with.”

“I... Rachel, that's... I'd love to.”

“Wonderful, now all we have to do is inform Grace.”

~*~

“Mommy, I'm home!”

“Hello, darling, how was school?” Rachel called, smiling when Grace ran into the kitchen.

“Fine! Where's Stan, I have papers to show him!” Grace smiled back, opening her bag and pulling out a thick folder.

“Papers to show me, hmm?” Stan intoned, strolling into the room. “Let's see 'em.”

Rachel watched the two of them hover over Grace's marked work, Stan beaming and showing off Grace's high grades. He congratulated her with a handshake and wink, causing her to giggle, shaking back like two businessmen finishing a meeting. Clearing her throat, Rachel quirked an eyebrow, causing Stan to take on a more serious tone.

“Honey, your mother has a surprise for you upstairs; you have to promise not to rush right up there like a herd of elephants though, ok? Walk up with her, so she can tell you about it.”

“How is it a surprise if she tells me?” Grace asked, wrinkling her nose.

“Trust me, it's still a surprise,” Stan chuckled, shooing the little girl towards her mother. “I'll hang these papers on the fridge with the others.”

Rachel lead Grace towards the stairs, keeping a moderate pace. Grace hummed with excitement beside her, curious as to what this was all about. Rachel was proud of how well Grace was doing with everything, though she did still break down on occasion; the death of a parent was a wound that never truly healed, and Rachel and Stan would just have to do their best.

“Sweetheart, listen to me for a moment,” Rachel said, pausing just outside Grace's bedroom door. “This is a special sort of surprise, and you need to promise me you'll pay very close attention.”

“Ok,” Grace replied, confused now. “Can I go in and see?”

“Yes; I'll wait out here.”

Grace opened her door, carefully peering inside. At first she didn't see anything, but then she spied Steve in the corner, standing beside her dresser. She kept framed photos of herself and Danny there. Eyes wide, she slowly entered the room, missing when Rachel gently closed the door behind her.

Steve turned at the sound, a smile splitting his face. He began to kneel down, so Grace could hug him, when he froze.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, dark eyes solemn. Steve's smile faltered.

“I haven't seen you in a while, I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“Did Danno ask you to do that?” she said, almost spat. Steve recoiled from her anger, control of the situation quickly slipping away.

“Yeah, Gracie, he did. He gave me one thing to do, and I haven't been doing as he asked. I haven't been a very good friend to either of you, and now I want to make it right. Will you help me do that, please?” he asked, kneeling now and opening his arms to her.

“I miss him,” Gracie said quietly, taking slow steps toward Steve.

“Me too, hon, me too.”

She ran toward him then, face crumpled with tears. “Then why did you leave him!” she shouted, pummeling Steve with her small fists. “Daddy wasn't a good swimmer and you just left him!”

Shocked, Steve fell back on his ass, not bothering to shield his face from her blows. Rachel rushed in, hearing the yelling, and grabbed Grace beneath the arms.

“Grace! That is no way to speak to your Uncle Steve!” she called, mortified. “You apologize this instant!”

“No! It's his fault Daddy isn't here anymore, I don't want to talk to him,” Grace said, hot and angry.

“Grace,” Steve tried, still shocked. “I swear, if it could have been different, I--”

“That's enough!” Rachel intoned. “That is enough. Commander, I do apologize, perhaps we should leave this for another time.”

Silent, Steve quickly got up and left the room, taking the stairs down two at a time. He was almost to the door when Stan caught his arm.

“I'm sorry, for what it's worth,” the other man said, shadows in his eyes. “She's still pretty angry at us too, though I don't think that helps much. She'll come around.”

Steve shook Stan off and made his way out to his truck, heart pounding in his chest. He knew this wouldn't go well, he _told_ Danny that, and now look what happened. Heaving a sigh, he drove himself home, sights set on an unopened bottle of whiskey.

~*~

“Did you go? Hey, Steve, wake up! Did you go?”

Steve rolled onto his side and blinked blearily into the darkness before turning on his bedside lamp. Danny was standing in the middle of the room, a nervous-anxious look on his face. Frowning, Steve wracked his brain before he remembered. Scrubbing at his face, he gingerly sat up, swinging his legs over the side.

“Yeah, I did. She was not thrilled, to say the least.”

“... what?” Danny asked, confused. He came to sit beside Steve on the bed, brows furrowed. “I don't understand.”

“She thinks it's my fault, Danno,” Steve said, voice cracking; too much whiskey. “She blames me.”

“That's ridiculous, it wasn't your fault!”

“She doesn't know that. She was so angry, hitting me and yelling.”

“She raised her hands to you?” Danny asked, horrified. “Oh my God, I can't believe it. She'd never...”

“Well, she did.”

Frowning, Danny tugged at his hair. “I refuse to tolerate that, that isn't how we raised her.” He stood then, pacing. “Sit tight, I'll be right back.”

There was a slight shimmer to the air, and then Danny was gone. Steve blinked slowly before flopping back onto the bed, closing his eyes. He was too sober for this shit.

~*~

Grace was in bed when Danny arrived, as he knew she would be. He just watched her for a moment, a small smile on his face. He didn't want to be angry with her, but he needed to be firm. He'd entered her dreams before, so they'd be good ones and she'd sleep. She was always happier in the morning when he visited her dreams.

“Monkey, you can't be mad at Uncle Steve,” he murmured, standing to the side of her bed and gazing down. “He's just as sad as you are, you know. He's just trying to do what I asked him. It isn't his fault I'm gone, it isn't _anyone's_ fault I'm gone. Accidents happen sometimes, and there isn't anything we can do about it.”

“I still miss you, though,” Grace replied sleepily, turning to look at him. Danny froze; she'd never woken up when he was there before. He watched her sit up and rub her eyes before staring at him more fully. “Are you really here?”

“S-sort of... it's hard to explain,” he said, sitting gently at the foot of her bed. “I visit you a lot.”

Grace smiled. “I know, I hear you. I pretend to be asleep so you won't leave.”

“I'd stay with you all night baby, you know that.”

“It really isn't Uncle Steve's fault?” she asked, picking at her blankets. “He's a super SEAL, he should've saved you.”

“Oh, Monkey, even the super SEAL couldn't save me, not without hurting himself. It didn't seem fair for both of us to get hurt, and that was _my_ choice. You know Uncle Steve would've stayed with me if he could.”

“But you told him not to?”

Danny nodded. “I told him not to. Sometimes Steve doesn't like to listen when I tell him things, but that time he did. You need to help me with that, babe, ok? Steve needs to be reminded of things sometimes.”

“Like what?” Graced asked, fully awake now.

“Like that he isn't alone out there in the world, that there are people that love him.”

“Like you?”

Blushing, Danny nodded again. “Yeah, like me, but also your Auntie Kono and Uncle Chin, and Kamekona – you remember him – and Steve's sister Mary. He has friends, he has a _family_ now, and he needs to remember that, he needs to think about them before he does stupid things that might get him hurt or worse. I'm not... I'm not here to remind him anymore, Monkey.”

“I'll remind him, Danno – I love Uncle Steve, too.”

“Good, that's good. He's upset about earlier, so I think as soon as you can, you need to tell him sorry. Your mom... she's trying really hard to be strong, just like Step-Stan. She wants Steve to be a part of your family, too. You need to let him.”

“Ok,” Grace said, shifting closer. “Can I have a hug? I miss your hugs.”

Danny froze again; Steve couldn't touch him, just passed right through. It would be the same for Grace, wouldn't it?

“I'm not sure if you can,” he admitted. “Let me just...” he trailed off, reaching out with fingertips. He winced, waiting for his hand to pass through, but gasped when he felt his hand come into contact with Grace's sleep-warm body. They stared at each other for a minute before Grace threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burrowing close. Danny felt himself choking up, because he never thought he'd have this again, and he wanted to savor it, bottle it and keep it forever.

He squeezed her tight, tears dripping off his chin and into her hair. She didn't notice, wetting him with tears of her own. They sat like that for what seemed like forever and yet not long enough; he needed to get back to Steve and tell him everything was going to be ok. He had a feeling that this would be the last time Grace would see him, though, and his heart ached.

“Daddy, does Uncle Steve know you love him?” Grace asked sleepily as Danny gently tucked her in.

“I don't know baby, I think so.”

“Remind him,” she yawned, closing her eyes. “Danno loves him.”

Biting his lip against the sobs that wanted to break free, Danny nodded. “Yeah, I do. And Danno loves you, forever and ever, remember that ok?”

“Forever and ever,” Grace repeated, sighing softly when Danny pressed his lips to her forehead. He backed away, watching her drift back into sleep and feeling the finality of the moment; he'd be with her, always, but not like this. He'd be with her as a breeze, a warmth, a twinkle of chimes.

It was time to go back to Steve.

~*~

Passed out the way he'd left him, Danny rolled his eyes when he found Steve still flopped over on the bed. He sat beside him, watching him dose.

“That's still creepy,” Steve muttered, cracking an eye. “Even more so now.”

“Shut up,” Danny replied, automatic. “I told Grace. Y'know, that it wasn't your fault. I think she forgives you.”

Steve sat up, alert. “Good. I'm—Rachel wants me to have visitation with her. Twice a month, maybe more depending on work... and whether or not they let me go back for real.”

“Rachel's doing that? I'm glad she's listening to me for once.”

Steve didn't say anything, just picked at his pajama pants. “I won't be seeing you anymore after this, will I.”

Danny sighed. “I'm not sure, I don't think so. Grace saw me this time, said she's known I was there all along, but didn't want me to run off if I thought she was awake. Can you imagine? Anyway, I think that will be the only time she sees me, not that I won't be with her.”

“Even if she can't, I'll make sure she doesn't forget about you.”

Smiling, Danny replied “I know babe. Hey, can I try something? Close your eyes,” he asked, suddenly, eyes bright. Steve frowned but did as he was told, confused.

Taking a deep breath, Danny slowly reached out, fingertips moving towards Steve's bare arm in slow motion. He didn't want to press his luck, but maybe since this was the last time, he'd be able to at least give Steve a hug goodbye.

Steve jerked at the sudden touch of a warm hand on his arm, eyes popping open to see Danny staring with eyes just as wide. They stared at each other before crashing together, keening noises wrenching themselves from Steve's throat.

They held on for dear life, again for what seemed like forever but not nearly long enough. Danny could feel that strange tingling, the one that meant he was fading and it was time to go. He didn't want to, he never wanted to leave his spot wrapped up in Steve, but it was out of his hands now.

“Babe,” he whispered, scared suddenly. “Steve, I have to go...”

“No,” Steve whispered back fiercely. “I'm not ready!”

“I'm sorry, I can't stay--” Danny cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut. Fuck, this _hurt_ , who knew being dead hurt so much.

“I love you,” Steve said then, eyes blazing. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I know babe, I love you too,” Danny said, smiling sadly. “Danno loves you always, ok? And if you forget, Gracie will remind you. You do the same thing for her, ok? Promise me.”

One tear escape the corner of Steve's eye. “I promise.”

Smiling, Danny pressed his lips to Steve's in a final goodbye, tasting him and imprinting it forever. Steve did the same, whining sadly that after everything, all he could have now was a fleeting taste. Danny stood, backing up from the bed and growing more transparent with each step. “Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I won't still be with you,” he said, voice like a sigh. “I'll be watching _all_ of you, so don't think you're off the hook for being crazy.”

Laughing, Steve wiped at his eyes and watched Danny fade to nothing, the taste of him still on his lips. He trusted Danny was telling the truth, and that he'd make himself known in small ways for all of them.

Feeling better than he had in months, Steve chuckled to himself, suddenly exhausted. He'd never have another partner or friend like Danny, and he'd never try to replace the man. He would do his best to live up to Danny's expectations, though, and be the best he could for the other man's daughter.

“I promise,” he whispered, tucked back beneath his blankets now, skin kissed by a warm breeze, “I promise.”

-FIN-


End file.
